Ball of Confused and Sometimes Contradictory Emotions I am Currently Feeling

In 25 days, I will be on a plane to DC. 1 day will be spent with my fantastic (even though she's republican) UVM lovely friend, Cara. Day 2 in DC will be spent traveling to Arlington, VA, where I will check into Peace Corps Staging. I will meet the people who will become my friends here at the hotel. PC staff will tell us what to expect, basic info about PC and basically want to hear that we are not making a mistake by embarking on this crazy "job". Day 3ish-we will wake up at 2 am and stumble to the airport. 6 am we will get on a plane to Nicaragua. Day 3 midday- arrive in Nicaragua! I am 100% ready for this adventure, but I cannot help thinking about the fact that I will be gone for 2 whole years. With that thought in mind, hear are some of the things that have been/will be going through my head.

Excitements:

• The connections and relationships I will make-fellow PC volunteers and local Nicaraguans (I may even find a Nica husband...)
• Traveling to Nicaragua! I do not mind admitting that 1 selfish part of me is doing Peace Corps in order to see the world.
• Increasing my self confidence, self awareness and self sufficiency
• Coming home with a fluency in Spanish and 2 years of real life public health experience
• The huge paycheck I will be taking home!! (obvious joke-no one does the PC for the $$)
• A change in my 9-5 life...being able to make my own schedule and possibly not having an office will be incredible.
• I get to use my sweet new watch, rain jacket, flashlight, shortwave radio etc...
• Flying! Even though it will only be a 5-6 hour flight, I cannot wait for it. Taking off, the flight itself, the compartmentalized food, mini tvs, free plane socks, landing- I love it all.

Worries:

• What if I don't like it? I know your response-whoever is reading this-will say, Of course you will like it...you're so easy going etc... Okay sure, but really, what if I don't like it?
• I am going to miss my family and friends so much. There's really nothing to add to this worry. It's the truth.
• I will be placed in the middle of nowhere, will have to eat hamster and nothing else...
• My host family and I will not get along.
• It-life in PC in general-will be ridiculously hard.
• I get worms.

50 Days!

So in 50 days (7 weeks from tomorrow) I will be on my way to Staging and then....probably a couple days later on a flight to NICA! So what should I do with my final 50 days in the US? The next 7 weeks of my life will be spent with family and friends, doing things that remind me of home and that I may not be able to do in Nicaragua. Basically, I will be taking as many hot showers as my mom will allow me to, eating my family's homemade food, walking my dog, going to the gym, and dicking around in Weymouth. Really, I cannot think of a better way to spend 2 months.
Oh, I will also be attempting to pack everything I need for the next 2 years...awesome!

Tips, Ideas, Thoughts?

Soo this post goes out to anyone (even though I only have 2 people following this blog as of right now...) who is currently serving in or has served in the past in Nicaragua for the Peace Corps- Not positive what to expect really and would love some advice!
Anything you can think of that you wish you knew before going to Nica...maybe things you wish you brought etc...If you would leave a comment about it, I would really appreciate it!

NICA!!!

Finalmente I found out...it seems like I have been telling people that I am leaving but do not know where or when or to do what for so long now. To be able to say I am moving to Nicaragua for 27 months leaving January 11, 2011, is such an incredible feeling. My job title is Health Advocator and I will be working in the Reproductive Health and HIV Education program, which sounds pretty perfect. What this entails exactly....I am still figuring out and I probably will be figuring out for the next 6-10 months or so. Basically what happens now is that I tell Peace Corps that I definitely want to take the position, I apply for a Peace Corps US passport, start having goodbye parties for myself, research Nicaragua and get ready for staging and pre service training. Staging is a 3 ish day orientation held somewhere in the US and gives volunteers the opportunity to begin to get to know our fellow trainees. From staging we fly to Nica where we begin our 3 month pre-service training. During this training period we will be staying with NIcaraguan families, learning and practicing Spanish, going to trainings on health and safety and being trained on what our jobs will entail.
After basically driving myself insane this week from waiting for the mail to come, just knowing where I am going feels fantastic!

JFK You are correct.

"Life in the Peace Corps will not be easy. There will be no salary and allowances will be at a level sufficient only to maintain health and meet basic needs. Men and women will be expected to work and live alongside the nationals of the country in which they are stationed—doing the same work, eating the same food, talking the same language.

But if the life will not be easy, it will be rich and satisfying. For every young American who participates in the Peace Corps—who works in a foreign land—will know that he or she is sharing in the great common task of bringing to man that decent way of life which is the foundation of freedom and a condition of peace."

John F. Kennedy 1961 - 1963

I am so incredibly excited to be a Peace Corps volunteer. I am also nervous- nervous that I will not be able to make it through the entire 2 years, nervous that I will wake up one morning with a spider laying eggs under my skin, nervous that I will miss out on babies and weddings and graduations and parties...But as JFK says, PC life and really life in general is not going to be easy. It is not possible to complete every task you attempt and it is not possible to attend every party you are invited to. There will be many times in the next 2 years when I will be homesick, lonely, angry, scared etc...but there will hopefully be 1000 times as many moments when I will be excited, amazed, proud and overwhelmed with emotion. This is something that although, honestly it makes me want to freak out thinking about how long 2 years and 3 months is, I am so ready to do. 1 year from this January I will have been living in whatever country I am going to for 1 whole year, leaving me with 15 months left. That doesn't sound like a long time at all. Hopefully through this blog, facebook, email, skype and maybe even a few visits (me to home and some of you to me), I will be able to stay in touch with everyone. I know this post seems like it should be coming the week or day before I leave, but it's how I am feeling right now, so suck it up and keep reading my blog.

"She"

Started at 15, now 23
She attacks her veins, with the mission to get high
Balls her eyes, with the mission to spy
on what her life could have been
could still be
if she, who was me,
could just be she
and not the junkie
the way she is seen
it is not too late to change
but is it in her fate
to realize this potential
in her spiral state,
she turns to look to me and says,
"you're beautiful"
And I say to she
"so are you you are me"

tester photo

Just wanted to make sure that I can upload photos!

Peace Corps Nomination

After 3-4 years of applying and thinking and waiting and applying and thinking and waiting, I have finally decided that it is MY time to actually finish my Peace Corps application and submit it. A week ago, I had my interview. At the end of this so called interview, I was nominated to leave in early January 2011 for Central/South America for the Health Extension program. Health Extension is a health education program- in the peace corps, Health Education includes HIV/AIDS, maternal and child health, nutrition, water sanitation etc...really I could be teaching anything that is somewhat kind of sort of health related depending on what is needed by my community. Now, I am waiting. I have heard that the Peace COrps includes a lot of waiting, and even though I am just at the beginning of this portion of my life, I totally agree. I am waiting to receive my medical packet which will allow me to get a every part of my body checked out, which will allow me then, to wait again. Although waiting is usually not the most exciting activity, I am thrilled and beyond excited to begin this journey!

A Day At My Job

13 women-hispanic, black, white, senior citizens, middle aged, teenagers.
Domestic violence, rape, incest, drug users, suicide attempts, depression, homeless, have homes, employed, unemployed, college grads, high school drop outs, sex workers, fractured skulls, fractured necks, spiritual, tears, headaches, heartaches, strength, strong women. This is what I heard about today- this is just one day in my job. Powerful stories like these should be written down, read aloud, tattooed in minds.